Livid.

One of my close girlfriends told me tonight that while she was walking to her car after work, these grown men were harassing her about the Marine Corps magnet on her car. "Do you know what the military does? Your husband is a baby killer, a rapist, and you should be ashamed." One of them yelled. She held her head high and said, "Do you know what the military does? I'm ashamed of people like you. My husband is missing his wife, and missing his daughter grow up so that people like you can do exactly what you're doing right now." She got into her car and tried to back up but the guys wouldn't leave. They stood behind her car and wouldn't let her back up.. They ripped off her magnet, crumpled it up, and threw it on the ground. She is now being walked to her car each day after work.

It's things like this that make my blood boil. Of course they do something like this while her husband is overseas fighting for THEM. I couldn't believe it. I know this kind of stuff happens but, really? I have had a magnet removed from my car, but I've never seen it happen. I've never been harassed like that. I can only imagine the anger she felt. The same anger I feel when people don't stand quietly, remove their hats, and stand with their hand over their heart during the National Anthem. The same anger I feel when I hear about people protesting at Military funerals. It's the same anger I feel when I see Veterans unnoticed. It's the same anger I feel when people don't recite the Pledge of Allegiance. It makes me sick.. There have been a number of times when I can't take it.. I can't help but turn around and say, "Can you really not be silent for 30 seconds to show some respect for this country and those that fight for it?" I can't help it.

It hurts me when people say that the entire military is bad.. That all of them are killing machines, rapers, etc. Yes, there are some people in the military that do horrible things. But does that mean the entire military should be given a bad name for it? No. Just like our country. Do you know how many murderers and rapists there are in our CITY? You'd be surprised.. I bet half of you don't realize that if my husband didn't do what he did, if her husband didn't do what he did, if the Few and the Proud didn't do what they do, along with the other troops, YOUR husband would be drafted. Your brother, your father, your cousin. The men in your life. Do these people not understand that? They would lose their mind if they had to join the military.

I can't even begin to explain how proud I am of her for sticking up for herself the best she could, and was classy about it. I hope those guys can't sleep at night. I am so proud of my husband for everything that he does.. Whether you believe me or not, he is protecting YOU. And you should be grateful for that. My heart is overwhelmed with pride, being married to that man is such a blessing and being able to support him for what he does is the best job in the world.

I'm done venting.

Thankful

After watching the news today about what is going on in Afghanistan, I will make sure God knows how thankful I am that Tyler isn't over there right now. Even though it's hard having Tyler so far away right now, I'm so glad he isn't in danger. All of us need to keep that in mind.. They're going on a MEU. They don't have to go to combat for at least nine months, and we should all we really thankful for that. Who knows what the future holds with these wars, but for now I'm okay with Tyler being on a MEU in a few months. I am thankful that Tyler will be here for the next two years when he comes home from the MEU.. I know that could change, but I'm staying hopeful. My heart goes out to all the families whose husbands and daddy's are over there right now.. I am praying for all of them and if there's anything I can do please let me know. Stay strong ladies.. I know it's hard.

Once again, I am so incredibly proud of my husband and I miss him dearly.

It never gets old..

Tyler has called me a few times today, each time feels like the first. Each time I see his face pop up on my phone, I almost start to cry. I miss him so much, I miss him being home, and my heart misses him. Since I can't have him home, all I want to do is be in our apartment. As weird as this may sound to some of you, I kind of feel like he's there. I feel him there. I know that sounds kind of creepy, but I thikn it's because he's all over the place in there.. So many memories we've made in the last few months are all over that apartment. So many pictures, so many notes, his clothes. Even though he's only in Hawaii and soon across the world.. He's still gone. He's not here, he's not here with me and that makes me feel empty. But hanging out in our apartment even if I'm all by myself, I love it. It's OUR HOME. As much as I love working, I get so excited to leave just so I can go sit on the couch he was sitting on a week ago. Gosh, I sound crazy! Haha :)

Each phone call like I said, feels like the first one I got earlier today. I love hearing his voice.. I love hearing how happy he sounds. He is so happy to be on land! I can't imagine being on the water for a week! And they haven't even made it to Korea! He's hanging out with his buddies now, enjoying Hawaii with the short time they have there. I'm so excited for him! He's going to have been around the world and back by the time he gets home! I want to get a globe for him and have him mark all the places he's been too.. I can't wait for him to call me again. Even though I just got off the phone with him a few minutes ago, I CANNOT wait to talk to him again.. He sounds so good. It never gets old. I would stay on the phone with him for hours if I could..

I love you sweetheart.. I am so proud of you. You are an amazing person and you are my number one hero. I cannot wait to have you home..

Heard from my husband!

I am on cloud nine right now.

This morning I woke up to many posts from all the girls saying that they heard from their man! Of course, I was extremely happy for them but deep down, I was sad that I haven't heard from mine. But, before I knew it, I heard the phone ring after I had gotten out of the shower! Boy did my heart jump. I literally asked myself in my head, "I wonder if that's Tyler!" Seeing his picture pop up on my phonee, and hearing him say "Hi baby!" was the most exciting feeling in the world. We only got to talk for a few minutes, but a few minutes is always better than no minutes! Tyler didn't get sea sick, and I am so glad to hear that. He said he can see Hawaii right now, and they'll be there shortly. He had to go to a class and said he'd call me afterward. I am soo excited to hear his voice again.. I needed that phone call. I needed to hear his voice. I'm not trying to sound selfish, but I really really needed to hear his voice. Those few short minutes talking to him gave me so much strength. He sounded so good.. He sounded excited to hear my voice too.. He sounded happy. I cannot believe I just talked to him. I can't believe he's going to be in HAWAII! Little stinker!


Can't wait to hear his voice again! I miss him more than anything.

For you ladies who haven't heard from your boyfriend, fiance, or husband- I promise they are going to call soon! Don't give up hope. Just remember that they're missing us just as much as we're missing them.. :)


Please continue to pray for 2/1! Thank you so much.

Another apology

I wanted to write a separate post to apologize to all of the people I've hurt in my past. I have disappointed my family, and obviously hurt Tyler in the past, but I want to also say I'm sorry to all of my friends from back home that I have hurt. I know I used to cause a lot of drama, and I was shady to a lot of people. Like I said before, I'm not proud for any of the mistakes I've made, and I'm very thankful that I've changed. I hope that maybe one day I could reconnect with those people, but we all grow and change. Some people stay friends for a very long time, some grow apart, and I'm at peace with that. But to every person I have lied to, was mean to, stabbed in the back, whatever it may be- I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I was a very confused, naive, immature person in high school and although I have a lot of amazing memories with many people, I also made a lot of bad mistakes.

I apologize and I hope you all can see me for the person I am today. If not, I understand and I'm at peace with everything. I hope you can be too.

"You never really know what you got til it's gone."

So yesterday I decided to start this blog for a few reasons.. I wanted to start writing about my past. As you all know, I've made some pretty bad choices in my past. I hurt a lot of people in my life, and I'm trying to move on from that. This is helping me let go. I feel that I need to be honest about everything that has happened in order for me to move on, and if that means that some people are going to get upset about that, so be it. I believe in second chances, and I believe that people change. I believe I have changed. I didn't even know where to begin writing this blog, so I started with the first time I met my now husband. I am not proud for the mistakes that I've made in my past by any means.. I am ashamed for the way I lived my life in highschool. I think we all go through a confusing stage in our lives, I know for one thing, we all make mistakes. Some worse than others.. I think the most important thing is what you decide to do after you made that mistake. Some choose to continue making them, which I did for a while, some learn really fast and stop. It took me a while to realize what I was doing.. It took up until I lost Tyler. When the guilt got to me bad enough, and I finally came clean about everything that happened in the past and over the deployment, he ended our relationship. Can you blame him? I was confused, I was naive, and I was young. It took losing him to make me realize everything. I realized that the way I was living wasn't right. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't classy, I was disrespecting myself and the ones I loved most in my life, especially Tyler. I hurt the man I love. I had the biggest reality check of my LIFE. And that's when I finally changed..

I decided that I need God in my life, and my family had a lot to do with me making that choice. I went to Church a few weeks after everything happened, and the message that was said really spoke to me. I remember the Pastor asked, "If there's anyone in here who is ready to make a change in their life, and ready to begin a relationship with God and be born again with a clean slate, please stand." I was the only person in Church to stand up. I was ready. I was ready to change my life forever. It was the most moving, intense, and amazing day of my life. I can't explain the love I felt in my heart at that moment.. I felt like God was pulling me from my chair. Before John even finished his sentence, I was already standing up. I felt such a sense of relief.. I felt like I had just woken up. That was probably the most important day of my life.

I continued to better myself, build a stronger relationship with God, and start rebuilding mine and Tyler's relationship again. It took a while for me to tell Tyler everything because I was so afraid to lose him.. I wasn't used to telling the complete truth, and I got used to beating around the bush for a while. Well, after the changes I had begun to make, I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't lie. I told Tyler the truth about everything, and it was the best choice I had made in a while. Other than bringing God into my heart. Over time, Tyler forgave me for the mistakes I made throughout our relationship and gave me one last chance. I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Tyler and I became stronger than ever before.. we became extremely close, and honestly more in love than we've ever been. Our relationship was so much stronger, healthier, and just all around better. There were no more lies, and if we ever argued about anything, it was something silly. We were unstoppable. My entire mentality was different.. I had no desire to do the things I used to. All I wanted was to marry Tyler and start my life with him in California.

Now that I've opened up about my past, I feel a lot better. I'm so thankful for everything that's happened. I'm not PROUD of myself for the things I've done, but I'm proud of myself for becoming the person I am today. I'm extremely proud of myself and I have no shame saying that. I'm a strong, faithful, Christian woman, and I live my life supporting my husband and his job.

I'm going to start writing about my life now.. The new life that I've been given. I'm moving on. I hurt a lot of people in the past, and I pray that they can see me for the person I am today but if they can't, I understand. Some people don't have the forgivness in their hearts like Tyler and many other people have and that's okay. I have an amazing family, great friends, and the best husband in the world. I've made mistakes, learned from them, and made huge changes in my life. I'm excited to start writing about the amazing things that happened in the last few months such as the wedding and moving down here! :)

Before I do, I want to say thank you to everyone who has messaged me, wrote on my wall, and texted me about my blog. These are some of the things that will stick with me forever..

"And on a more personal note, I honestly gained more respect for you and your marriage after reading your blog. You seem very put together and in love. Keep it up and don't let the small things get you down. You're strong. I totally understand, and being in high school, being young and naive is a given. In my eyes you've done nothing wrong. ♥ Good for you to stand up to your demons, rather than ignore them and act like everything is perfect. You seem in love, at peace and strong."

"Your blog is great :) if people cant respect that you've acknowledged & accepted your mistakes then they don't deserve to be in your life.. EVERYBODY makes mistakes, not everybody learns from them.... I'm proud of you that you've embraced your past and grown from it! ♥"

And some other very sweet messages and texts. It makes me so happy to see that people can let go of what they've heard, and just see me for who I am NOW. It means the world to me.

Thank you to those who have given me a chance. Thank you for letting go of the rumors and reading the honest story, and not judging me for it. Thank you.
Now onto the good stuff! :)

Quote by Breanna!

"This is not a piece of cake. This is when 'through thick and thin' comes into play, during times like these is when you find out how true you were when you said those vows." - Breanna Blake

Very, very wise words! I love this girl!