Four years ago

I tried writing earlier.. and couldn't even get a sentence down. I should be happy, I am happy. But I shouldn't be crying so hard when I write about Tyler.. He's alive, healthy, and SAFE. I don't know why I am being so selfish and letting myself break down to the point where I can't even write about one of the best days of my life.

Four years ago, I met the love of my life at the homecoming football game at Gladstone High School. He knew of me, and I had no idea who he was.. I remember seeing all the attention he was getting and everyone shaking his hand. Once I got a good look at him, there was no turning back. I was absolutely mesmorized by this man.. He was the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. I walked up to him and introduced myself.. I asked him about the uniform he was wearing and he explained to me that he had graduated from boot camp that day and this was his first time being home in months. I don't really remember what he said after that, I was too focussed on how dreamy he was.. I asked him if I could get a picture with him, and when he put his arm around me for the first time, it felt like the entire world stopped and it was just him and I. I didn't want him to let go.. ever. I didn't know when, I didn't know how, but I knew he was going to be a huge part of my life. We exchanged numbers, and went our separate ways.. Some months later, him and I finally got together and fell madly in love with one another. We have the deepest love for each other and the most obvious chemistry.. I am so lucky to be so in love. Tyler and I have gone through hell and back together. Our relationship has been tested in every way possible.. We got through everything that was meant to tear us apart and always came out stronger than ever.. Every time I see him my love grew deeper and deeper for him. Every day that goes by I only dream of seeing him in a few months.. I cannot live without him. Tyler means everything to me. He is my hero, my best friend, and everything I could ever want. I don't deserve him but, I'm so thankful and feel so blessed to have him forever. I am missing him more than anything.. but thinking of that night puts a smile on my face. I can't say it enough.. I am so honored and blessed to be his wife and one day, the mother of his children.

Tyler Hargett is my world.
September 19th, 2008 was one of the BEST days of my life.

Worry.

Today was definitely tough.. and I brought it on myself! I don't know why I do this to myself. I guess it's my job to worry. I keep hearing about what is going on in Africa and the Middle East and it scares me to death. I called the FRO today just to make sure that all the rumors were false about the guys going over there.. And he said that as of now, they are coming home when they're expected to. But he did throw in, "you can never say never". I know this.. I knew this coming into this life that Tyler could ALWAYS go on another combat tour any day.. But I just didn't realize I would have to worry about it so soon. Why do I do this to myself.. It isn't even a possibility right now. Ugh.. My biggest fear in the entire world is losing him. And I think that's what it all comes down to. Don't get me wrong, I have so much faith in him no matter where he goes.. but I can't help but worry. It happens to people everyday. I would die if I lost him. Okay, I need to stop. I can't even think about it. I can't even let my mind go there.. The fact that my mind is even going there when he's on a MEU just baffles me. What the hell is wrong with me.. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I was going to be okay through all of this.. I thought wrong. I just want him home.. When he's here, I know he's safe.

I need to suck it up. This is pathetic.

Vent=over.