One of my close girlfriends told me tonight that while she was walking to her car after work, these grown men were harassing her about the Marine Corps magnet on her car. "Do you know what the military does? Your husband is a baby killer, a rapist, and you should be ashamed." One of them yelled. She held her head high and said, "Do you know what the military does? I'm ashamed of people like you. My husband is missing his wife, and missing his daughter grow up so that people like you can do exactly what you're doing right now." She got into her car and tried to back up but the guys wouldn't leave. They stood behind her car and wouldn't let her back up.. They ripped off her magnet, crumpled it up, and threw it on the ground. She is now being walked to her car each day after work.
It's things like this that make my blood boil. Of course they do something like this while her husband is overseas fighting for THEM. I couldn't believe it. I know this kind of stuff happens but, really? I have had a magnet removed from my car, but I've never seen it happen. I've never been harassed like that. I can only imagine the anger she felt. The same anger I feel when people don't stand quietly, remove their hats, and stand with their hand over their heart during the National Anthem. The same anger I feel when I hear about people protesting at Military funerals. It's the same anger I feel when I see Veterans unnoticed. It's the same anger I feel when people don't recite the Pledge of Allegiance. It makes me sick.. There have been a number of times when I can't take it.. I can't help but turn around and say, "Can you really not be silent for 30 seconds to show some respect for this country and those that fight for it?" I can't help it.
It hurts me when people say that the entire military is bad.. That all of them are killing machines, rapers, etc. Yes, there are some people in the military that do horrible things. But does that mean the entire military should be given a bad name for it? No. Just like our country. Do you know how many murderers and rapists there are in our CITY? You'd be surprised.. I bet half of you don't realize that if my husband didn't do what he did, if her husband didn't do what he did, if the Few and the Proud didn't do what they do, along with the other troops, YOUR husband would be drafted. Your brother, your father, your cousin. The men in your life. Do these people not understand that? They would lose their mind if they had to join the military.
I can't even begin to explain how proud I am of her for sticking up for herself the best she could, and was classy about it. I hope those guys can't sleep at night. I am so proud of my husband for everything that he does.. Whether you believe me or not, he is protecting YOU. And you should be grateful for that. My heart is overwhelmed with pride, being married to that man is such a blessing and being able to support him for what he does is the best job in the world.
I'm done venting.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Thankful
After watching the news today about what is going on in Afghanistan, I will make sure God knows how thankful I am that Tyler isn't over there right now. Even though it's hard having Tyler so far away right now, I'm so glad he isn't in danger. All of us need to keep that in mind.. They're going on a MEU. They don't have to go to combat for at least nine months, and we should all we really thankful for that. Who knows what the future holds with these wars, but for now I'm okay with Tyler being on a MEU in a few months. I am thankful that Tyler will be here for the next two years when he comes home from the MEU.. I know that could change, but I'm staying hopeful. My heart goes out to all the families whose husbands and daddy's are over there right now.. I am praying for all of them and if there's anything I can do please let me know. Stay strong ladies.. I know it's hard.
Once again, I am so incredibly proud of my husband and I miss him dearly.
Once again, I am so incredibly proud of my husband and I miss him dearly.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
It never gets old..
Tyler has called me a few times today, each time feels like the first. Each time I see his face pop up on my phone, I almost start to cry. I miss him so much, I miss him being home, and my heart misses him. Since I can't have him home, all I want to do is be in our apartment. As weird as this may sound to some of you, I kind of feel like he's there. I feel him there. I know that sounds kind of creepy, but I thikn it's because he's all over the place in there.. So many memories we've made in the last few months are all over that apartment. So many pictures, so many notes, his clothes. Even though he's only in Hawaii and soon across the world.. He's still gone. He's not here, he's not here with me and that makes me feel empty. But hanging out in our apartment even if I'm all by myself, I love it. It's OUR HOME. As much as I love working, I get so excited to leave just so I can go sit on the couch he was sitting on a week ago. Gosh, I sound crazy! Haha :)
Each phone call like I said, feels like the first one I got earlier today. I love hearing his voice.. I love hearing how happy he sounds. He is so happy to be on land! I can't imagine being on the water for a week! And they haven't even made it to Korea! He's hanging out with his buddies now, enjoying Hawaii with the short time they have there. I'm so excited for him! He's going to have been around the world and back by the time he gets home! I want to get a globe for him and have him mark all the places he's been too.. I can't wait for him to call me again. Even though I just got off the phone with him a few minutes ago, I CANNOT wait to talk to him again.. He sounds so good. It never gets old. I would stay on the phone with him for hours if I could..
I love you sweetheart.. I am so proud of you. You are an amazing person and you are my number one hero. I cannot wait to have you home..
Each phone call like I said, feels like the first one I got earlier today. I love hearing his voice.. I love hearing how happy he sounds. He is so happy to be on land! I can't imagine being on the water for a week! And they haven't even made it to Korea! He's hanging out with his buddies now, enjoying Hawaii with the short time they have there. I'm so excited for him! He's going to have been around the world and back by the time he gets home! I want to get a globe for him and have him mark all the places he's been too.. I can't wait for him to call me again. Even though I just got off the phone with him a few minutes ago, I CANNOT wait to talk to him again.. He sounds so good. It never gets old. I would stay on the phone with him for hours if I could..
I love you sweetheart.. I am so proud of you. You are an amazing person and you are my number one hero. I cannot wait to have you home..
Heard from my husband!
I am on cloud nine right now.
This morning I woke up to many posts from all the girls saying that they heard from their man! Of course, I was extremely happy for them but deep down, I was sad that I haven't heard from mine. But, before I knew it, I heard the phone ring after I had gotten out of the shower! Boy did my heart jump. I literally asked myself in my head, "I wonder if that's Tyler!" Seeing his picture pop up on my phonee, and hearing him say "Hi baby!" was the most exciting feeling in the world. We only got to talk for a few minutes, but a few minutes is always better than no minutes! Tyler didn't get sea sick, and I am so glad to hear that. He said he can see Hawaii right now, and they'll be there shortly. He had to go to a class and said he'd call me afterward. I am soo excited to hear his voice again.. I needed that phone call. I needed to hear his voice. I'm not trying to sound selfish, but I really really needed to hear his voice. Those few short minutes talking to him gave me so much strength. He sounded so good.. He sounded excited to hear my voice too.. He sounded happy. I cannot believe I just talked to him. I can't believe he's going to be in HAWAII! Little stinker!
Can't wait to hear his voice again! I miss him more than anything.
For you ladies who haven't heard from your boyfriend, fiance, or husband- I promise they are going to call soon! Don't give up hope. Just remember that they're missing us just as much as we're missing them.. :)
Please continue to pray for 2/1! Thank you so much.
This morning I woke up to many posts from all the girls saying that they heard from their man! Of course, I was extremely happy for them but deep down, I was sad that I haven't heard from mine. But, before I knew it, I heard the phone ring after I had gotten out of the shower! Boy did my heart jump. I literally asked myself in my head, "I wonder if that's Tyler!" Seeing his picture pop up on my phonee, and hearing him say "Hi baby!" was the most exciting feeling in the world. We only got to talk for a few minutes, but a few minutes is always better than no minutes! Tyler didn't get sea sick, and I am so glad to hear that. He said he can see Hawaii right now, and they'll be there shortly. He had to go to a class and said he'd call me afterward. I am soo excited to hear his voice again.. I needed that phone call. I needed to hear his voice. I'm not trying to sound selfish, but I really really needed to hear his voice. Those few short minutes talking to him gave me so much strength. He sounded so good.. He sounded excited to hear my voice too.. He sounded happy. I cannot believe I just talked to him. I can't believe he's going to be in HAWAII! Little stinker!
Can't wait to hear his voice again! I miss him more than anything.
For you ladies who haven't heard from your boyfriend, fiance, or husband- I promise they are going to call soon! Don't give up hope. Just remember that they're missing us just as much as we're missing them.. :)
Please continue to pray for 2/1! Thank you so much.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Another apology
I wanted to write a separate post to apologize to all of the people I've hurt in my past. I have disappointed my family, and obviously hurt Tyler in the past, but I want to also say I'm sorry to all of my friends from back home that I have hurt. I know I used to cause a lot of drama, and I was shady to a lot of people. Like I said before, I'm not proud for any of the mistakes I've made, and I'm very thankful that I've changed. I hope that maybe one day I could reconnect with those people, but we all grow and change. Some people stay friends for a very long time, some grow apart, and I'm at peace with that. But to every person I have lied to, was mean to, stabbed in the back, whatever it may be- I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I was a very confused, naive, immature person in high school and although I have a lot of amazing memories with many people, I also made a lot of bad mistakes.
I apologize and I hope you all can see me for the person I am today. If not, I understand and I'm at peace with everything. I hope you can be too.
I apologize and I hope you all can see me for the person I am today. If not, I understand and I'm at peace with everything. I hope you can be too.
"You never really know what you got til it's gone."
So yesterday I decided to start this blog for a few reasons.. I wanted to start writing about my past. As you all know, I've made some pretty bad choices in my past. I hurt a lot of people in my life, and I'm trying to move on from that. This is helping me let go. I feel that I need to be honest about everything that has happened in order for me to move on, and if that means that some people are going to get upset about that, so be it. I believe in second chances, and I believe that people change. I believe I have changed. I didn't even know where to begin writing this blog, so I started with the first time I met my now husband. I am not proud for the mistakes that I've made in my past by any means.. I am ashamed for the way I lived my life in highschool. I think we all go through a confusing stage in our lives, I know for one thing, we all make mistakes. Some worse than others.. I think the most important thing is what you decide to do after you made that mistake. Some choose to continue making them, which I did for a while, some learn really fast and stop. It took me a while to realize what I was doing.. It took up until I lost Tyler. When the guilt got to me bad enough, and I finally came clean about everything that happened in the past and over the deployment, he ended our relationship. Can you blame him? I was confused, I was naive, and I was young. It took losing him to make me realize everything. I realized that the way I was living wasn't right. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't classy, I was disrespecting myself and the ones I loved most in my life, especially Tyler. I hurt the man I love. I had the biggest reality check of my LIFE. And that's when I finally changed..
I decided that I need God in my life, and my family had a lot to do with me making that choice. I went to Church a few weeks after everything happened, and the message that was said really spoke to me. I remember the Pastor asked, "If there's anyone in here who is ready to make a change in their life, and ready to begin a relationship with God and be born again with a clean slate, please stand." I was the only person in Church to stand up. I was ready. I was ready to change my life forever. It was the most moving, intense, and amazing day of my life. I can't explain the love I felt in my heart at that moment.. I felt like God was pulling me from my chair. Before John even finished his sentence, I was already standing up. I felt such a sense of relief.. I felt like I had just woken up. That was probably the most important day of my life.
I continued to better myself, build a stronger relationship with God, and start rebuilding mine and Tyler's relationship again. It took a while for me to tell Tyler everything because I was so afraid to lose him.. I wasn't used to telling the complete truth, and I got used to beating around the bush for a while. Well, after the changes I had begun to make, I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't lie. I told Tyler the truth about everything, and it was the best choice I had made in a while. Other than bringing God into my heart. Over time, Tyler forgave me for the mistakes I made throughout our relationship and gave me one last chance. I am the luckiest woman in the world.
Tyler and I became stronger than ever before.. we became extremely close, and honestly more in love than we've ever been. Our relationship was so much stronger, healthier, and just all around better. There were no more lies, and if we ever argued about anything, it was something silly. We were unstoppable. My entire mentality was different.. I had no desire to do the things I used to. All I wanted was to marry Tyler and start my life with him in California.
Now that I've opened up about my past, I feel a lot better. I'm so thankful for everything that's happened. I'm not PROUD of myself for the things I've done, but I'm proud of myself for becoming the person I am today. I'm extremely proud of myself and I have no shame saying that. I'm a strong, faithful, Christian woman, and I live my life supporting my husband and his job.
I'm going to start writing about my life now.. The new life that I've been given. I'm moving on. I hurt a lot of people in the past, and I pray that they can see me for the person I am today but if they can't, I understand. Some people don't have the forgivness in their hearts like Tyler and many other people have and that's okay. I have an amazing family, great friends, and the best husband in the world. I've made mistakes, learned from them, and made huge changes in my life. I'm excited to start writing about the amazing things that happened in the last few months such as the wedding and moving down here! :)
Before I do, I want to say thank you to everyone who has messaged me, wrote on my wall, and texted me about my blog. These are some of the things that will stick with me forever..
"And on a more personal note, I honestly gained more respect for you and your marriage after reading your blog. You seem very put together and in love. Keep it up and don't let the small things get you down. You're strong. I totally understand, and being in high school, being young and naive is a given. In my eyes you've done nothing wrong. ♥
Good for you to stand up to your demons, rather than ignore them and act like everything is perfect. You seem in love, at peace and strong."
I decided that I need God in my life, and my family had a lot to do with me making that choice. I went to Church a few weeks after everything happened, and the message that was said really spoke to me. I remember the Pastor asked, "If there's anyone in here who is ready to make a change in their life, and ready to begin a relationship with God and be born again with a clean slate, please stand." I was the only person in Church to stand up. I was ready. I was ready to change my life forever. It was the most moving, intense, and amazing day of my life. I can't explain the love I felt in my heart at that moment.. I felt like God was pulling me from my chair. Before John even finished his sentence, I was already standing up. I felt such a sense of relief.. I felt like I had just woken up. That was probably the most important day of my life.
I continued to better myself, build a stronger relationship with God, and start rebuilding mine and Tyler's relationship again. It took a while for me to tell Tyler everything because I was so afraid to lose him.. I wasn't used to telling the complete truth, and I got used to beating around the bush for a while. Well, after the changes I had begun to make, I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't lie. I told Tyler the truth about everything, and it was the best choice I had made in a while. Other than bringing God into my heart. Over time, Tyler forgave me for the mistakes I made throughout our relationship and gave me one last chance. I am the luckiest woman in the world.
Tyler and I became stronger than ever before.. we became extremely close, and honestly more in love than we've ever been. Our relationship was so much stronger, healthier, and just all around better. There were no more lies, and if we ever argued about anything, it was something silly. We were unstoppable. My entire mentality was different.. I had no desire to do the things I used to. All I wanted was to marry Tyler and start my life with him in California.
Now that I've opened up about my past, I feel a lot better. I'm so thankful for everything that's happened. I'm not PROUD of myself for the things I've done, but I'm proud of myself for becoming the person I am today. I'm extremely proud of myself and I have no shame saying that. I'm a strong, faithful, Christian woman, and I live my life supporting my husband and his job.
I'm going to start writing about my life now.. The new life that I've been given. I'm moving on. I hurt a lot of people in the past, and I pray that they can see me for the person I am today but if they can't, I understand. Some people don't have the forgivness in their hearts like Tyler and many other people have and that's okay. I have an amazing family, great friends, and the best husband in the world. I've made mistakes, learned from them, and made huge changes in my life. I'm excited to start writing about the amazing things that happened in the last few months such as the wedding and moving down here! :)
Before I do, I want to say thank you to everyone who has messaged me, wrote on my wall, and texted me about my blog. These are some of the things that will stick with me forever..
"And on a more personal note, I honestly gained more respect for you and your marriage after reading your blog. You seem very put together and in love. Keep it up and don't let the small things get you down. You're strong. I totally understand, and being in high school, being young and naive is a given. In my eyes you've done nothing wrong. ♥
Good for you to stand up to your demons, rather than ignore them and act like everything is perfect. You seem in love, at peace and strong."Quote by Breanna!
"This is not a piece of cake. This is when 'through thick and thin' comes into play, during times like these is when you find out how true you were when you said those vows." - Breanna Blake
Very, very wise words! I love this girl!
Very, very wise words! I love this girl!
Missing my family
The one and only thing I miss about Gladstone is my family. I miss my dad so much.. My dad and I are so incredibly close and I miss seeing him everyday. I miss my brother, my step mom, my step siblings, my grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins.. I miss my best friend. I miss my in laws. I miss going over to my mother in law's and watching re runs with a bowl of very seasoned popcorn on our laps :) I miss babysitting my sweet nieces.. I miss hearing Mady say "Alli Holte! Alli Holte!" Even though I wasn't Alli Holte anymore.. I miss the twins so much. I miss Aly and Noah, and I miss sweet baby J. I miss hearing him call me "Sissy!" I miss the pep talks we had right before I put him down for a nap.. He'd always look up and me and say "Yup." I miss making him laugh his little buns off. I miss having long talk with my aunt about my grandpa.. I love hearing stories about him. He sounded like an amazing man.. I know where my dad gets it from.
Even though I miss my family, I am very happy down here. I'm so thankful to have moved to California. I needed to get out of that town, and I needed to be with my husband. I love my job, I love my apartment, and I love being so close to the beach. If I could stay on the beach all day, I would. I love the small town feeling of San Clemente, but it's way different from Gladstone. And I LOVE it.
I'm so excited for my dad and step mom to visit this summer.. There are so many places that I just can't wait to take them too! I'm also excited for my best friend in the world to come visit too. I miss her so much.. I miss being able to go over to her house anytime day or night, and just hangout. It didn't matter what we were doing, we always had fun together. I miss our talks.. I miss giving and recieving advice. I miss our constant Dutch runs and worrying if we were going to get a bladder infection haha. I miss visiting her at work and planning on what we were going to do later! I miss our stupid voices and sounds. She's such a goof ball. I'm so glad her and I are still as close as we've ever been. I know for a fact that her and I are going to be friends for the rest of our lives!
I'm so excited for Tyler and I to visit this summer!
Even though I miss my family, I am very happy down here. I'm so thankful to have moved to California. I needed to get out of that town, and I needed to be with my husband. I love my job, I love my apartment, and I love being so close to the beach. If I could stay on the beach all day, I would. I love the small town feeling of San Clemente, but it's way different from Gladstone. And I LOVE it.
I'm so excited for my dad and step mom to visit this summer.. There are so many places that I just can't wait to take them too! I'm also excited for my best friend in the world to come visit too. I miss her so much.. I miss being able to go over to her house anytime day or night, and just hangout. It didn't matter what we were doing, we always had fun together. I miss our talks.. I miss giving and recieving advice. I miss our constant Dutch runs and worrying if we were going to get a bladder infection haha. I miss visiting her at work and planning on what we were going to do later! I miss our stupid voices and sounds. She's such a goof ball. I'm so glad her and I are still as close as we've ever been. I know for a fact that her and I are going to be friends for the rest of our lives!
I'm so excited for Tyler and I to visit this summer!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
It's been a week!
I can't believe it's only been a week since the last time I saw, hugged, and kissed my husband. It feels like it's been months! I still have a long way to go, but I know this is going to be a piece of cake. This is NOTHING.. And being as strong as I am now, with the head I have on my shoulders, this is easy. It's easy because we are so in love. Being away from each other isn't easy.. but being strong is. Does that make sense? It's easy to be strong for him.. Also, being strong doesn't mean you have to keep it together 24/7.
The biggest thing that has changed in our entire relationship.. is that we're on the same level now. I'm on Tyler's level, he's on mine. I believe that is so important in any marriage. If you aren't on the same page, it will fail. Anyway, I miss my husband so much. I miss his laugh, I miss his voice. I miss his hugs and kisses.. I miss seeing him after work, I miss making dinner together and hearing his loud burps and his reaction to it afterward. If you know Ty, you know that face he makes when he's shocked? I'll have to post a picture I can't explain it but it's soo funny. I miss his hands.. I miss his gorgeous eyes :)
I wonder what he's doing.. I hope he's thinking about me. I hate how much we have to be apart but I know this job, as much as he says he hates it at times, makes him happy and that makes me happy. I will support him til the day I die. I hope he's sleeping good.. I hope he isn't getting sea sick :( I hate it when he's sick..
I can't wait for him to come home and see the little improvements I've made in the apartment! I made some touch ups on the walls and re arranged some things. I want to get a couch cover, pillows, and a rug for the livingroom. I think I'm going to get one new item for the house every paycheck :) By that time, our home will look totally different to him! I can't wait.
Baby, I miss you like crazy and I can't wait for you to come home.. I miss having you around so badly. I can't wait to find a Church together and start reading the books we've been wanting to read together. It's the little things that I get most excited for.. I can't wait to do your laundry too! I miss washing your cami's.. I love you sweetheart and I hope you're doing okay. I miss you like crazy and I can't wait to have you home.
The biggest thing that has changed in our entire relationship.. is that we're on the same level now. I'm on Tyler's level, he's on mine. I believe that is so important in any marriage. If you aren't on the same page, it will fail. Anyway, I miss my husband so much. I miss his laugh, I miss his voice. I miss his hugs and kisses.. I miss seeing him after work, I miss making dinner together and hearing his loud burps and his reaction to it afterward. If you know Ty, you know that face he makes when he's shocked? I'll have to post a picture I can't explain it but it's soo funny. I miss his hands.. I miss his gorgeous eyes :)
I wonder what he's doing.. I hope he's thinking about me. I hate how much we have to be apart but I know this job, as much as he says he hates it at times, makes him happy and that makes me happy. I will support him til the day I die. I hope he's sleeping good.. I hope he isn't getting sea sick :( I hate it when he's sick..
I can't wait for him to come home and see the little improvements I've made in the apartment! I made some touch ups on the walls and re arranged some things. I want to get a couch cover, pillows, and a rug for the livingroom. I think I'm going to get one new item for the house every paycheck :) By that time, our home will look totally different to him! I can't wait.
Baby, I miss you like crazy and I can't wait for you to come home.. I miss having you around so badly. I can't wait to find a Church together and start reading the books we've been wanting to read together. It's the little things that I get most excited for.. I can't wait to do your laundry too! I miss washing your cami's.. I love you sweetheart and I hope you're doing okay. I miss you like crazy and I can't wait to have you home.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Wade
Dear Chad,
If there was one thing I could say to you it would be thank you. Thank you for being so selfless. Thank you for giving your life, so my husband didn't have to.. So the rest of the entire battalion didn't have to. Thank you for being so brave, and for everything you have done for this country. You have no idea what kind of impact you and your wife Katie have on us. You were one of Tyler's brothers.. whether you two knew each other personally or not, you were brothers. You are our hero, Chad. My heart aches for Katie, you guys have something so special. You can just tell even in the pictures of you two that you guys were so madly in love with each other. It breaks my heart that your life had to end so short for this country.. You were so young and it's not fair. But again, thank you so much. Thank you for protecting our country, and now protecting the gates of Heaven.
Dear Katie,
I just wish I could sit down with you and tell you how much your story has impacted my life and my marriage. My friend Alexa and I have made a promise to each other that anytime we get into an argument with our husbands, that we will text each other the code word "Wade" and begin venting instead of taking it out on them. Our job is to calm each other down and remind each other that our husband's survived.. And we cannot take that for granted. I hope you're doing okay, Katie. I worry about you. We all do. If you and I ever reconnect, I'm going to give you the biggest hug in the world.
If there was one thing I could say to you it would be thank you. Thank you for being so selfless. Thank you for giving your life, so my husband didn't have to.. So the rest of the entire battalion didn't have to. Thank you for being so brave, and for everything you have done for this country. You have no idea what kind of impact you and your wife Katie have on us. You were one of Tyler's brothers.. whether you two knew each other personally or not, you were brothers. You are our hero, Chad. My heart aches for Katie, you guys have something so special. You can just tell even in the pictures of you two that you guys were so madly in love with each other. It breaks my heart that your life had to end so short for this country.. You were so young and it's not fair. But again, thank you so much. Thank you for protecting our country, and now protecting the gates of Heaven.
Dear Katie,
I just wish I could sit down with you and tell you how much your story has impacted my life and my marriage. My friend Alexa and I have made a promise to each other that anytime we get into an argument with our husbands, that we will text each other the code word "Wade" and begin venting instead of taking it out on them. Our job is to calm each other down and remind each other that our husband's survived.. And we cannot take that for granted. I hope you're doing okay, Katie. I worry about you. We all do. If you and I ever reconnect, I'm going to give you the biggest hug in the world.
Later on
Wow, that last post took me a couple of hours to write! It's so crazy looking back at the first few months we spent together.. I need to continue!
Tyler and I did everything together.. We have so many memories, I wish I could re live them all :) I will never forget everytime I picked him up at the airport.. the giddy feeling I'd get whenever I saw him walking towards me. I could always see him in a huge crowd of people.. I could pick him out from a mile away just by his walk. He always gave me the biggest hugs.. I love him so much.
Tyler and I dated for a while before we had our first break up. Him and I started our relationship long distance... It was stressful and hard on our relationship. I was very young, and I didn't make the best choices. I lost myself up until he came back from Afghanistan.
Although I was very much in love with Tyler, I made a lot of mistakes that led me to where I am today. I needed to find myself and figure out my morals and values that I was lacking. If I could go back in time and change my ways sooner, I would to prevent the hurt I would cause Tyler.. I was young, I was in highschool.. I had been getting treated like shit for the last three years then all of the sudden getting treated like a princess. I took that for granted.. I took Tyler for granted. I didn't show him the respect he more than deserved.. I didn't show him love. I honestly don't know how I got this ring on my finger. If I were him, I would have said goodbye a long time ago. But man am I glad I got another chance.. let me back up a little.
Tyler and I had broken up for a while, I had dated other people, and we had gotten back together on his pre deployment leave. It all happened very fast.. Bam, he was gone. He was in Afghanistan for seven months and during those months, I made a complete fool out of myself. I was not a good girlfriend to Tyler. I wasn't a good person in general.. I wasn't the strong, faithful, loving, caring, and selfless person I should have been. I'm not going to go into detail about everything that happened, but let's just say I made some mistakes. Mistakes that will stick with me forever, mistakes that I'm still trying to let go of. Mistakes that haunt me everyday and no matter how hard I pray about it, it will always stick with me. I lied about a lot of things in the beginning.. when Tyler came home, and when I saw him at homecoming, my love for him changed completely. I took him for granted. I took our love for granted.. I took our relationship for granted..
The person I was back then, is not the person I am today. I have changed in every single way. I am still the same silly Alli, but with faith, strength, morals, values, and GOD. I'm not an attention seeking whore anymore.. All I want is to be with one man and one man only and that man is now my husband. God only knows why Tyler forgave me for the things I did to him.. But I thank him for that constantly. I was blessed with forgivness and happiness. I will never ever know why.. But I do know one thing, I will NEVER take what I have for granted ever again. I guess the only way I can explain why I did the things I did while we were dating is because I needed attention..
It's not hard to be faithful. It's not hard to be a good person. It's not hard to be a good girlfriend.
I made the wrong choices.
Being a good person isn't a challenge. It's easy when you have the Lord in your life. It's easy when you simply have a good heart.
And that is what I have now.
I am not that person anymore, no matter what anyone says.
The important thing is.. I have changed. I came clean about every mistake I have made in my past, and Tyler forgave me. He gave me another chance and I proved my love to him. I am finally the person I want to be, but there's always room for improvement. I strive to be the best wife in the world for Tyler.. And I will do anything for him.
I began to appreciate him. I began to be more grateful for him.. I actually took the time to not be so damn selfish and get to know him on a completely different level. I gained his trust back and that means the world to me.. I will never do anything to jeopardize that trust ever again.
Honestly, Tyler and I wouldn't be the couple that we are today if it weren't for every single thing that happened in our lives.. We both needed to learn, grow, and find ourselves.. I have learned enough lessons in the last four years that most people never learn. I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I became the wife that I am today. I am so incredibly thankful to be with Tyler.. He is the most amazing man in the world. He is my best friend, the love of my life, and everything I could ever want in a husband. I am so blessed to have him a part of my life especially after everything that has happened.. I honestly don't think we would be here today, this happy we are today, if it weren't for every mistake.
My advice to you? Find yourself first. Never get involved with a man in the military until you're ready to take on what is required. You have to be strong.. and that's exactly what I was lacking. Strength along with morals and values. If you aren't mature enough to handle being with a man in the military, DON'T. Grow up FIRST.. Not after you realize it all.
I thank the Lord every day and night for blessing me with this man.. and I thank Him for being so incredibly merciful. I hope I can forgive myself the way He and Tyler have forgiven me. Maybe one day I will.. But for now, I feel I need to still beat myself up a little.
THIS.. Is the moment I realized that this was the man I wanted to be with until the day I die.
THIS.. Is the moment I realized I took it all for granted.
Tyler and I did everything together.. We have so many memories, I wish I could re live them all :) I will never forget everytime I picked him up at the airport.. the giddy feeling I'd get whenever I saw him walking towards me. I could always see him in a huge crowd of people.. I could pick him out from a mile away just by his walk. He always gave me the biggest hugs.. I love him so much.
Tyler and I dated for a while before we had our first break up. Him and I started our relationship long distance... It was stressful and hard on our relationship. I was very young, and I didn't make the best choices. I lost myself up until he came back from Afghanistan.
Although I was very much in love with Tyler, I made a lot of mistakes that led me to where I am today. I needed to find myself and figure out my morals and values that I was lacking. If I could go back in time and change my ways sooner, I would to prevent the hurt I would cause Tyler.. I was young, I was in highschool.. I had been getting treated like shit for the last three years then all of the sudden getting treated like a princess. I took that for granted.. I took Tyler for granted. I didn't show him the respect he more than deserved.. I didn't show him love. I honestly don't know how I got this ring on my finger. If I were him, I would have said goodbye a long time ago. But man am I glad I got another chance.. let me back up a little.
Tyler and I had broken up for a while, I had dated other people, and we had gotten back together on his pre deployment leave. It all happened very fast.. Bam, he was gone. He was in Afghanistan for seven months and during those months, I made a complete fool out of myself. I was not a good girlfriend to Tyler. I wasn't a good person in general.. I wasn't the strong, faithful, loving, caring, and selfless person I should have been. I'm not going to go into detail about everything that happened, but let's just say I made some mistakes. Mistakes that will stick with me forever, mistakes that I'm still trying to let go of. Mistakes that haunt me everyday and no matter how hard I pray about it, it will always stick with me. I lied about a lot of things in the beginning.. when Tyler came home, and when I saw him at homecoming, my love for him changed completely. I took him for granted. I took our love for granted.. I took our relationship for granted..
The person I was back then, is not the person I am today. I have changed in every single way. I am still the same silly Alli, but with faith, strength, morals, values, and GOD. I'm not an attention seeking whore anymore.. All I want is to be with one man and one man only and that man is now my husband. God only knows why Tyler forgave me for the things I did to him.. But I thank him for that constantly. I was blessed with forgivness and happiness. I will never ever know why.. But I do know one thing, I will NEVER take what I have for granted ever again. I guess the only way I can explain why I did the things I did while we were dating is because I needed attention..
It's not hard to be faithful. It's not hard to be a good person. It's not hard to be a good girlfriend.
I made the wrong choices.
Being a good person isn't a challenge. It's easy when you have the Lord in your life. It's easy when you simply have a good heart.
And that is what I have now.
I am not that person anymore, no matter what anyone says.
The important thing is.. I have changed. I came clean about every mistake I have made in my past, and Tyler forgave me. He gave me another chance and I proved my love to him. I am finally the person I want to be, but there's always room for improvement. I strive to be the best wife in the world for Tyler.. And I will do anything for him.
I began to appreciate him. I began to be more grateful for him.. I actually took the time to not be so damn selfish and get to know him on a completely different level. I gained his trust back and that means the world to me.. I will never do anything to jeopardize that trust ever again.
Honestly, Tyler and I wouldn't be the couple that we are today if it weren't for every single thing that happened in our lives.. We both needed to learn, grow, and find ourselves.. I have learned enough lessons in the last four years that most people never learn. I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I became the wife that I am today. I am so incredibly thankful to be with Tyler.. He is the most amazing man in the world. He is my best friend, the love of my life, and everything I could ever want in a husband. I am so blessed to have him a part of my life especially after everything that has happened.. I honestly don't think we would be here today, this happy we are today, if it weren't for every mistake.
My advice to you? Find yourself first. Never get involved with a man in the military until you're ready to take on what is required. You have to be strong.. and that's exactly what I was lacking. Strength along with morals and values. If you aren't mature enough to handle being with a man in the military, DON'T. Grow up FIRST.. Not after you realize it all.
I thank the Lord every day and night for blessing me with this man.. and I thank Him for being so incredibly merciful. I hope I can forgive myself the way He and Tyler have forgiven me. Maybe one day I will.. But for now, I feel I need to still beat myself up a little.
THIS.. Is the moment I realized that this was the man I wanted to be with until the day I die.
THIS.. Is the moment I realized I took it all for granted.
The Beginning
I decided to start blogging because I think it's going to help me deal with the everyday goods and bads of being a wife to a man in the Marine Corps :) I also want to address my past and get it all out there. I think overall, this is going to be very therapeutic for me!
Alright, now where on earth do I want to begin.. I'll start with the first day I met my now husband- Tyler.
I believe it was my junior year and I was getting ready for the Gladstone homecoming football game. I couldn't wait to get there and hangout with my old girlfriends! My boyfriend was away at college, so he didn't go with me. Anyway, I got to the game and it was packed as usual! I don't even remember who we were playing haha. My friends and I were all talking in a circle and I happened to see this guy standing to the right of me in a uniform.. I had never seen the guy in my life and was curious as to why he was there and what kind of uniform that was. A few minutes later, my old friend was talking about "Tyler Hargett" that's all I heard after that, "Tyler" this, "Tyler" that, and I thought who is this Tyler character?! Everyone was surrounding him. The boys were shaking his hand, the girls were drooling. I definitely had my eye on him for a while.. All of the sudden, I felt I just HAD to go up to him and introduce myself.. And I did! I walked right up to him. "HI! I'm Alli Holte!" He shook my hand and said, "Hello miss, I'm Tyler." I asked him why he was wearing that uniform and he told me he had just graduated from bootcamp, he was a Marine. A Marine, huh? I sure thought that was cool :) My other old friend's dad who was a Marine, walked up to Tyler and said "Semper Fi, brother." I could tell that they had a connection, a connection that none of us could ever understand. Tyler and I continued talking, about what I have no idea.. I was too giddy to even remember. I asked Tyler if he wanted to take a picture with me.. I know, right? Who walks up to a complete stranger and asks to take a picture with them? For some reason, I felt like I needed to document this moment. I didn't know when, and I didn't know how, but I knew in my heart that this man was going to be a huge part of my life. I can honestly say that this was love at first sight.. The few minutes that I shared with Tyler were incredible. When he put his arm around me for the picture, the world stopped around me.. I had never felt so comfortable, safe, and so happy in my entire life.. we then exchanged numbers and enjoyed the rest of the game. Me with my old friends, and him with his. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him for the rest of the game.. What was I thinking? I had a boyfriend! I didn't care.. I was so interested in Tyler. I wanted to just sit down with him and talk for hours and hours.. I wanted to get to know him so badly.
After the football game, I texted Tyler and told him it was nice meeting him. He always called me miss.. Always. Every text. I loved it.. He was so respectful. He respected ME. We texted here and there but nothing really more.. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to get to know him and "ask him about the Marines" haha lies! I just wanted to hangout with him. Months passed by and I didn't hear much from him. I started taking a Health Occupations class which I loved! A few of my old friends were in that class. My friend told me that Tyler was coming home to visit her.. At this point, Tyler and I weren't talking at all. Him and her were dating and I was happy for them. She asked me if I wanted to go to Dutch with her and our mutual friend and go see Tyler. I was so excited! Of course I wanted too! He seemed like a great guy. Anyway, we got Dutch and went over to his house. His mom answered the door, she seemed like the biggest sweetheart! She looked soo happy to have all these visitors coming to see her son.. But most of all, I could tell she was happy to have her son home. I could see the love in her eyes. We sat on the couch and waited for Tyler to come out.. He was taking the longest shower ever! I knew Marines were clean cut but holy crap! We were literally waiting there for like 30 minutes. He finally came out.. He was wearing light blue jeans, a black shirt, and a black jacket with white tennis shoes. We hung out there for a while, took some pictures, and left. I had so much fun just getting to know him a little more..
Tyler and I started texting again. This time, I sincerely wanted to just get to know him. He told me I should come over again before he leaves and that he really wants to see me. I was a little confused by this.. I went over there. I knew exactly what I was doing. I couldn't stop thinking about Tyler, I couldn't stop wanting to get to know him, wanting to just be around him. I wanted him in my life so badly.. This was no excuse to be a shady friend and girlfriend. I couldn't help my feelings.. He asked if I wanted to watch a movie and I said yes. We picked out Armaggedon haha.We laid there and watched the movie silently.. me giggling here and there. I couldn't take it anymore. Just being that close to him gave me the most amazing feeling in the world.. I turned on my side and laid on his chest. He put his arm around me and I could feel his heart racing. Mine was too.. Of course, at this moment the song "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" came on and we both looked at each other and smiled.. I fell in love with him, and I fell fast. I knew at this moment that we had something so special and so real. We said goodbye after the movie and I went home. I couldn't stop thinking about him.. All I wanted was to be next to him. He made me feel so happy. He made me feel calm, loved, and comfortable. He told me that day that he wanted to be with me.
Tyler flew back to California and began calling me almost everyday and texting me constantly.. I knew I couldn't keep this going without ending things with my boyfriend and making sure he told he was dating the truth. He told me that he told he took care of it and that he wanted to be with me. I believed him. I had been getting treated like shit for the last three years and I was done with it and I wanted to be with Tyler so badly.. Tyler showed me that there was better out there.. He showed me that I could be loved and that I deserved better. I had never fell so hard for someone before in my life.. He's incredible. He's the sweetest, most kind hearted, loving man I've ever met. I had to have him.. I was crazy about him.. I kept telling him that I didn't know what to do.. I asked him what he would do if I told him I was going to break up with my boyfriend for him. He said, "I would tell you I love you Alli." That was it for me. I was done. I called my boyfriend, ended things, and told Tyler I was all his. I was finally so happy. I found out a couple of years ago that after that call, he called his mom and told her that he was in love with me and that I was the one.. :)
Tyler and I started dating soon after, and I became the luckiest woman on the face of the earth.
Finally, Tyler told me he was coming home for a visit. I asked his mom if I could come with her to pick him up at the airport and she said yes! I had so many butterflies in my stomach.. More than I've ever had before! He only gave me those butterflies. We got to the airport and waited, and waited, and waited.. finally I saw him carrying his big black backpack. I walked as fast as I could up to him and he gave me the biggest hug in the world! I was complete.. We went back to his house and sat on the couch for a few minutes.. He asked me if he could have a kiss!!! :) I will never, ever forget the first time we kissed. It was absolutely amazing.. I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Whenever Tyler came home, we spent every waking moment together.. I would stay there as long as possible because I wasn't allowed to stay over. (even though I did a few times.. shhh!) Being with him was the most amazing feeling I have ever felt.. He was so good to me. He showed me the true meaning of love, he respected me, and he never failed to put the biggest smile on my face. We were stuck like glue.. we were absolutely crazy about each other. How in the hell did I get so lucky..
Alright, now where on earth do I want to begin.. I'll start with the first day I met my now husband- Tyler.
I believe it was my junior year and I was getting ready for the Gladstone homecoming football game. I couldn't wait to get there and hangout with my old girlfriends! My boyfriend was away at college, so he didn't go with me. Anyway, I got to the game and it was packed as usual! I don't even remember who we were playing haha. My friends and I were all talking in a circle and I happened to see this guy standing to the right of me in a uniform.. I had never seen the guy in my life and was curious as to why he was there and what kind of uniform that was. A few minutes later, my old friend was talking about "Tyler Hargett" that's all I heard after that, "Tyler" this, "Tyler" that, and I thought who is this Tyler character?! Everyone was surrounding him. The boys were shaking his hand, the girls were drooling. I definitely had my eye on him for a while.. All of the sudden, I felt I just HAD to go up to him and introduce myself.. And I did! I walked right up to him. "HI! I'm Alli Holte!" He shook my hand and said, "Hello miss, I'm Tyler." I asked him why he was wearing that uniform and he told me he had just graduated from bootcamp, he was a Marine. A Marine, huh? I sure thought that was cool :) My other old friend's dad who was a Marine, walked up to Tyler and said "Semper Fi, brother." I could tell that they had a connection, a connection that none of us could ever understand. Tyler and I continued talking, about what I have no idea.. I was too giddy to even remember. I asked Tyler if he wanted to take a picture with me.. I know, right? Who walks up to a complete stranger and asks to take a picture with them? For some reason, I felt like I needed to document this moment. I didn't know when, and I didn't know how, but I knew in my heart that this man was going to be a huge part of my life. I can honestly say that this was love at first sight.. The few minutes that I shared with Tyler were incredible. When he put his arm around me for the picture, the world stopped around me.. I had never felt so comfortable, safe, and so happy in my entire life.. we then exchanged numbers and enjoyed the rest of the game. Me with my old friends, and him with his. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him for the rest of the game.. What was I thinking? I had a boyfriend! I didn't care.. I was so interested in Tyler. I wanted to just sit down with him and talk for hours and hours.. I wanted to get to know him so badly.
After the football game, I texted Tyler and told him it was nice meeting him. He always called me miss.. Always. Every text. I loved it.. He was so respectful. He respected ME. We texted here and there but nothing really more.. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to get to know him and "ask him about the Marines" haha lies! I just wanted to hangout with him. Months passed by and I didn't hear much from him. I started taking a Health Occupations class which I loved! A few of my old friends were in that class. My friend told me that Tyler was coming home to visit her.. At this point, Tyler and I weren't talking at all. Him and her were dating and I was happy for them. She asked me if I wanted to go to Dutch with her and our mutual friend and go see Tyler. I was so excited! Of course I wanted too! He seemed like a great guy. Anyway, we got Dutch and went over to his house. His mom answered the door, she seemed like the biggest sweetheart! She looked soo happy to have all these visitors coming to see her son.. But most of all, I could tell she was happy to have her son home. I could see the love in her eyes. We sat on the couch and waited for Tyler to come out.. He was taking the longest shower ever! I knew Marines were clean cut but holy crap! We were literally waiting there for like 30 minutes. He finally came out.. He was wearing light blue jeans, a black shirt, and a black jacket with white tennis shoes. We hung out there for a while, took some pictures, and left. I had so much fun just getting to know him a little more..
Tyler and I started texting again. This time, I sincerely wanted to just get to know him. He told me I should come over again before he leaves and that he really wants to see me. I was a little confused by this.. I went over there. I knew exactly what I was doing. I couldn't stop thinking about Tyler, I couldn't stop wanting to get to know him, wanting to just be around him. I wanted him in my life so badly.. This was no excuse to be a shady friend and girlfriend. I couldn't help my feelings.. He asked if I wanted to watch a movie and I said yes. We picked out Armaggedon haha.We laid there and watched the movie silently.. me giggling here and there. I couldn't take it anymore. Just being that close to him gave me the most amazing feeling in the world.. I turned on my side and laid on his chest. He put his arm around me and I could feel his heart racing. Mine was too.. Of course, at this moment the song "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" came on and we both looked at each other and smiled.. I fell in love with him, and I fell fast. I knew at this moment that we had something so special and so real. We said goodbye after the movie and I went home. I couldn't stop thinking about him.. All I wanted was to be next to him. He made me feel so happy. He made me feel calm, loved, and comfortable. He told me that day that he wanted to be with me.
Tyler flew back to California and began calling me almost everyday and texting me constantly.. I knew I couldn't keep this going without ending things with my boyfriend and making sure he told he was dating the truth. He told me that he told he took care of it and that he wanted to be with me. I believed him. I had been getting treated like shit for the last three years and I was done with it and I wanted to be with Tyler so badly.. Tyler showed me that there was better out there.. He showed me that I could be loved and that I deserved better. I had never fell so hard for someone before in my life.. He's incredible. He's the sweetest, most kind hearted, loving man I've ever met. I had to have him.. I was crazy about him.. I kept telling him that I didn't know what to do.. I asked him what he would do if I told him I was going to break up with my boyfriend for him. He said, "I would tell you I love you Alli." That was it for me. I was done. I called my boyfriend, ended things, and told Tyler I was all his. I was finally so happy. I found out a couple of years ago that after that call, he called his mom and told her that he was in love with me and that I was the one.. :)
Tyler and I started dating soon after, and I became the luckiest woman on the face of the earth.
Finally, Tyler told me he was coming home for a visit. I asked his mom if I could come with her to pick him up at the airport and she said yes! I had so many butterflies in my stomach.. More than I've ever had before! He only gave me those butterflies. We got to the airport and waited, and waited, and waited.. finally I saw him carrying his big black backpack. I walked as fast as I could up to him and he gave me the biggest hug in the world! I was complete.. We went back to his house and sat on the couch for a few minutes.. He asked me if he could have a kiss!!! :) I will never, ever forget the first time we kissed. It was absolutely amazing.. I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Whenever Tyler came home, we spent every waking moment together.. I would stay there as long as possible because I wasn't allowed to stay over. (even though I did a few times.. shhh!) Being with him was the most amazing feeling I have ever felt.. He was so good to me. He showed me the true meaning of love, he respected me, and he never failed to put the biggest smile on my face. We were stuck like glue.. we were absolutely crazy about each other. How in the hell did I get so lucky..
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