"You never really know what you got til it's gone."

So yesterday I decided to start this blog for a few reasons.. I wanted to start writing about my past. As you all know, I've made some pretty bad choices in my past. I hurt a lot of people in my life, and I'm trying to move on from that. This is helping me let go. I feel that I need to be honest about everything that has happened in order for me to move on, and if that means that some people are going to get upset about that, so be it. I believe in second chances, and I believe that people change. I believe I have changed. I didn't even know where to begin writing this blog, so I started with the first time I met my now husband. I am not proud for the mistakes that I've made in my past by any means.. I am ashamed for the way I lived my life in highschool. I think we all go through a confusing stage in our lives, I know for one thing, we all make mistakes. Some worse than others.. I think the most important thing is what you decide to do after you made that mistake. Some choose to continue making them, which I did for a while, some learn really fast and stop. It took me a while to realize what I was doing.. It took up until I lost Tyler. When the guilt got to me bad enough, and I finally came clean about everything that happened in the past and over the deployment, he ended our relationship. Can you blame him? I was confused, I was naive, and I was young. It took losing him to make me realize everything. I realized that the way I was living wasn't right. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't classy, I was disrespecting myself and the ones I loved most in my life, especially Tyler. I hurt the man I love. I had the biggest reality check of my LIFE. And that's when I finally changed..

I decided that I need God in my life, and my family had a lot to do with me making that choice. I went to Church a few weeks after everything happened, and the message that was said really spoke to me. I remember the Pastor asked, "If there's anyone in here who is ready to make a change in their life, and ready to begin a relationship with God and be born again with a clean slate, please stand." I was the only person in Church to stand up. I was ready. I was ready to change my life forever. It was the most moving, intense, and amazing day of my life. I can't explain the love I felt in my heart at that moment.. I felt like God was pulling me from my chair. Before John even finished his sentence, I was already standing up. I felt such a sense of relief.. I felt like I had just woken up. That was probably the most important day of my life.

I continued to better myself, build a stronger relationship with God, and start rebuilding mine and Tyler's relationship again. It took a while for me to tell Tyler everything because I was so afraid to lose him.. I wasn't used to telling the complete truth, and I got used to beating around the bush for a while. Well, after the changes I had begun to make, I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't lie. I told Tyler the truth about everything, and it was the best choice I had made in a while. Other than bringing God into my heart. Over time, Tyler forgave me for the mistakes I made throughout our relationship and gave me one last chance. I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Tyler and I became stronger than ever before.. we became extremely close, and honestly more in love than we've ever been. Our relationship was so much stronger, healthier, and just all around better. There were no more lies, and if we ever argued about anything, it was something silly. We were unstoppable. My entire mentality was different.. I had no desire to do the things I used to. All I wanted was to marry Tyler and start my life with him in California.

Now that I've opened up about my past, I feel a lot better. I'm so thankful for everything that's happened. I'm not PROUD of myself for the things I've done, but I'm proud of myself for becoming the person I am today. I'm extremely proud of myself and I have no shame saying that. I'm a strong, faithful, Christian woman, and I live my life supporting my husband and his job.

I'm going to start writing about my life now.. The new life that I've been given. I'm moving on. I hurt a lot of people in the past, and I pray that they can see me for the person I am today but if they can't, I understand. Some people don't have the forgivness in their hearts like Tyler and many other people have and that's okay. I have an amazing family, great friends, and the best husband in the world. I've made mistakes, learned from them, and made huge changes in my life. I'm excited to start writing about the amazing things that happened in the last few months such as the wedding and moving down here! :)

Before I do, I want to say thank you to everyone who has messaged me, wrote on my wall, and texted me about my blog. These are some of the things that will stick with me forever..

"And on a more personal note, I honestly gained more respect for you and your marriage after reading your blog. You seem very put together and in love. Keep it up and don't let the small things get you down. You're strong. I totally understand, and being in high school, being young and naive is a given. In my eyes you've done nothing wrong. ♥ Good for you to stand up to your demons, rather than ignore them and act like everything is perfect. You seem in love, at peace and strong."

"Your blog is great :) if people cant respect that you've acknowledged & accepted your mistakes then they don't deserve to be in your life.. EVERYBODY makes mistakes, not everybody learns from them.... I'm proud of you that you've embraced your past and grown from it! ♥"

And some other very sweet messages and texts. It makes me so happy to see that people can let go of what they've heard, and just see me for who I am NOW. It means the world to me.

Thank you to those who have given me a chance. Thank you for letting go of the rumors and reading the honest story, and not judging me for it. Thank you.
Now onto the good stuff! :)